A couple of weeks ago one of my close friends asked a question which i thought was worth discussing. He asked me how to overcome fears which pop up at times - even if things are going good.
To be honest it's not at all a simple question to answer as it differs for every person. There are actually entire books that have been written on that matter only. However, one of the best ways I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.
What are gradients? Gradients are just like steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you will fail. If you keep trying it again and again you may begin to build up a "complex" about failing, and soon not try anymore.
If you try to leap up five or six steps in your first attempt, it will also be scary - not necessarily impossible but frightening. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you may fail too.
The proper approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most secure method to climb a ladder.
Below are a few examples of how I apply that to overcome fears that pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. Sometimes it is particularly scary. So I am approaching an attractive woman in a party, rather than telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am fascinated by her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of many people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will discover a means to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i know she is not interested in me and the simple "Hi" just shows that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - thus I don't feel shot down in front of others.
If I am starting to date a girl and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to relax, get cozy, and just watch TV at my place. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't wish to be alone with me, getting cozy at my home. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and then to see how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to render me with the go ahead signal.
These are a few examples. Whenever you feel uneasy and fearful simply try to consider a lower gradient which isn't as scary and allows you to make forward progress toward your main goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and the way to relate to them very quickly.
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Whenever you feel uncomfortable in any situation, it means that you are approaching this situation on too high a gradient. Rather than running away from the situation, lower the gradient.
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